As a kid I was quite outspoken, I said what I thought often in a very argumentative way and I believe I earned a reputation for being so and was told frequently by others, including family that I could be awkward and I rubbed people up the wrong way. oooppsssss
For a long time I didn’t give a sh*t - I really didn’t and I also never learned how to voice my opinion in a calmer way for a long time…. or to listen to others (I still don’t always I know… - work in progress)..
When I was 28 I met a guy, fell in love and slowly over time I changed. He hated my discussing ways, thought I picked arguments (I play devils advocate) and to void conflict I stopped doing it and became a shadow of myself.
We split after 3 plus years and I was left having to figure me out again - sound familiar to anyone..
The other day (15 years on) I was talking to a flatmate who said “well you are outspoken”….It stopped me in my tracks and I had to smile as it seems I have become so again, and not realised it and the change I made to being me again.
It was a great “yes” moment for me, having been put down and criticised for my opinion and not doing it for fear of not being liked, I once more do say my thoughts out loud...
That fear by the way still exists. That if I say something a friend/colleague doesn’t “like” or it hits a nail on the head that they won’t like me anymore - another thing that I work on.
My flatmate went on to say about the recycling I have started in the flat, it is an effort for me as my condo doesn’t have a bin, we leave it in the stairwell (people were putting normal rubbish in it...) Anyway, he didn’t quite 'get' that one person doing this DOES make a difference. If no one did make an effort, I dread to think what state the world would be in - I can’t believe it would be for the good.
Saying my piece and voicing my thoughts is not inferring I am right, it is my current opinion with the knowledge I have and I seek to find out more.
Am I passionate about certain things??..
Do I get frustrated that others don’t seem to care the way I do about these things..???
But I am realising, with help from friends and coaching and TED talks (I love them) - that we all have different cares and none are wrong or right - unless they harm others or the planet, that’s my opinion by the way….
If something is put to me that irks me, it means it hit my nail and I need to think about it and what it means to me. If I irk someone else - same thing.
It took me a while to get my voice back, it was difficult to speak up, I honestly believed I was boring and had nothing to say. I started reading the news again a while ago and feel better knowing more what is going on in this world which I am part of.
Everything that happens everywhere, effects us all whether that is to the oceans, the sky, the trees, animals, birds, reptiles and humans - we are intricately linked and that’s what I care about the most - what we are doing to each other.
And my voice can make a difference, I may not be warmly embraced by it by some and that’s ok - I am speaking my truth the best I know how at the time and certainly not with the intention of hurting anyone or thing. Now to learn to put things across better, I get that..
Do I get it wrong and will I in the future..
I say things the wrong way accidentally, I get caught up in my passion and go too fast and don’t listen and speak over others and don’t phrase things the right way.. Totally do !!! I’m human… And I’ll likely do it wrong again - all part of the learning process.
From the TED talk - we all effect each other, which brought me to this quote from Alan Watts: