It’s been an interesting last month of life… Then life is indeed interesting!
Over the last few weeks I’ve been a little out of sync with myself, neglected sleep (which is not a good idea…) and not looked after myself as well as I usually do. Nothing wrong with it for a while, but well enough is enough! I have continued to have realisations about myself, who I am, what I place importance on and how distracted I am at times as well as focussed when I set my mind to it! On-going coaching has certainly helped me see some things as has my ability to stop and question my own actions, something I never could really do before. Hence why this morning was blog time!!
Every weekend there has been the thought in my mind to blog - but what about, what is it I’ve wanted to share from my realisations and experiences - what to share that is ‘useful’...
One of my main learnings during the last weeks has been about myself being a feminine woman. For whatever reasons, I semi turned my back on her for a while - didn’t want to acknowledge her as part of me, it’s quite hard to explain in some ways. From a previous post I wrote about tinder and going on dates at the end of last year - which I have continued to do the last months as well and enjoying it way more than before!. Looking back now, I can see the woman who went on those - a woman who didn’t put her "best" side forward, show herself off or let her inner beauty shine out and was in a place of looking for the “right one”. Putting my best side forward doesn’t have to be through clothes and make up etc - it’s a way of being, and I wasn't being me, allowing the feminine me to play. What is femininity though? My old definition was frills and pinks and ‘girlie’ dresses - not speaking out or being assertive.
The last 2 months, I watched other women and how they behave and dress, taken advise from male and female friends, revisited my own wardrobe, added a touch more make up, got some heels on my feet and totally loving it. And that’s not to say that being a feminine woman has to include those things - not at all. For me putting them on, doing my face up a bit, and letting my hair be its mess of curls has been liberating; being softer at times, allowing someone else to take the ‘lead’, not be angry when the door is held open for me!!! (yes I used to be - but then I was angry at alot of things!!!).
I have redefined what feminine meant to me - confident, sexy, at ease with myself regardless of external appearance.
And this doesn’t mean that my masculine side is gone, that's pear of me too - it’s how I chose to be and when and with whom, and it is a choice. A choice not only regarding being feminine - but every moment with others we all get to chose how we want to be.
I’m still messing it up at times and I don’t curb or catch the rebel in me until it's a bit late... As ever though, it is a journey full of surprises, emotions, apologies, and love.
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