I've been a bit quiet the last few weeks - 2 weekends away seeing friends and family and meeting new people and there's been a lot of things going on in life and therefore my thoughts!!
What to write about!?.
The one point that cropped up talking to my mum about life, me in the past and the realisations and changes I've made over the last was; she asked "why analyse?"... It was interesting to reply to it very calmly in that, it's not about analysing - more about gaining an understanding from a different view point - and what better than a parent who knew you growing up!! Knowing a bit more about me as a kid gave me insights into how I was - how I am now and who I want to be. I understood more where many of my beliefs came from and how long they've been there - no wonder they can be hard to change!! It also brought me closer to my mum which I love...
I was upset over something the other week and I left a voice message for my dearest and longest standing friend in the world - and I cried while telling her. She replied saying that in all the years we've known each other (maybe 18...?), I had never been so open with my emotions and she'd never heard me express myself that way. In 18 years... Wow how closed have I been to those who love me. She also said it gave her "permission" to do the same. It was a pivotal moment for me in my journey - the big 'V' thing that I found so hard, am I now able to be..... Gulp - vulnerable!!! It seems so! Wooohoooo go me!!...
I've written a lot about Asiaworks training, coaching and practises I've put in place to change my beliefs and way I am and being with my loved ones - it worked, they see and feel the difference and honestly I am bloody proud of myself.
The other day, I caught my self talk, and decided it was not what I wanted to be saying to myself - I looked at the situation, not analysing it or rather myself, but exploring it and understanding why in the past I would have listened to the 'old' voice and simply not doing so.
Had I not gone on the courses I have, had the coaching conversations I've had, know the people I do - this would not have happened and I am exceedingly grateful for all those who have been there along the way. No this is not an Oscar speech so I'm not going to name them here (phew I hear you say!).
It may be a cliche, but I do believe people and experiences come into our lives when we are ready for them - and I find myself in the next stage on my self understanding and exploration...
I would be lying to say it has been easy to get to where I am now. There has been some horrible moments of realising my behaviour, it's been tough having to really stop myself repeating bad patterns (and I still do don't get me wrong...) and moving on when all I wanted to do was stay static.
But life isn't static - it is beautifully dynamic as we are as human beings. It is an exciting journey which at times is painful and upsetting and scary; and each of those emotions allow us to feel others - excitement, confidence, joy and ecstasy...
Life is full of surprise encounters, journeys and experiences - and life is short, time to face the fears, get over whatever might hold each of us back and live it...
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