An easy topic right…. What is love? What does it mean to love someone, to love yourself? How do you show you love someone and what expectations do we have surrounding it?... The 5 Languages of Love is a great book that certainly helps to discover how you show it and what you need to be shown…
The coronavirus is teaching us so much about this, realisations about what is important to us, who we miss, how we connect – or how we don’t connect.
I have been living with my parents again for the last 4 weeks and let’s all be honest, it is not easy to go home when you are an adult. Getting on with parents for a week say is one thing, still maybe not easy but you know it will end…. With quarantine I don’t know when I will be able to head out and away. That’s not to say that I don’t love my parents, not at all but I have lived away from them for 7 years this time and seen them maybe 2 times a year for 5 days at a time… That still had its troubles but again, there was an end.
I know that sounds awful, I get on well with my parents on the whole – but they push my buttons! They generally put those buttons there as I was growing up so it is natural it happens! But I am now an adult and an adult who has done a fair bit of work on herself over the years to get over some issues…
Well coming home is a test of whether that work, worked!! Yeah I have more lessons to learn…. More work to do and it’s ok – I have time to now!!
I am lucky and grateful that I have parents who welcome me home, with no expectations of me and who love me however shitty I may get (and I can….). It’s easy to forget that though when I get triggered or can’t get out and about. So I need to put something in place to remind me of this when I wake up. The other day my mum was talking – women talk so much and tell stories!!! (I am more masculine in my energy,…) and I was getting a bit bored I admit, then I stopped and thought one day she won’t be here for me to get bored by. Woah that was an awakener. It is not real to go through life thinking this all the time, but it brings me out of my shitty attitude and impatience.. A reminder needed again.
So where does this leave me now?
Continuing to be triggered, catching myself, going ‘aha’, contemplating, and working on it whether that is by myself or a conversation with a friend.
One friend and I have spoken about love, and this morning as I read “The Intuitive Warrior” he talked about …. Love…
How can we bring more love into ourselves and then resonate that out? Love doesn’t mean always agreeing or liking everything that happens – or liking the way someone always is, or what happens in the world…
I am at the place now where I feel I need some practices that help me return to love as often as I can – I think that sounds crazy as I think about it but it’s my truth right now…
I don’t know why I move away from the place, triggers maybe…. I know it is way easier when you are on your own a lot of the time!! Lol.. but that I don’t feel is the answer!! It is learning to be triggered and deal with it and move on and then hopefully not be triggered so much next time and so on…. Like a phobia – face it to get over it.
Today when I woke I went into the sunshine to do my my morning movement ( I do yoga poses in my own flow and match it with breath – depends on definitions and views of yoga whether or not I say I do ‘yoga’).…and I set my intention to come from love. It might sound hippyish and I am okay with that! As I moved what I realized afterwards was that so many of my moves were openers for my front body! I took moments to remind myself of my intention and at the end as I lay there I asked myself “What do I want /need to do today to help me to remind me of love!!?”
By the end of the day I will have written the words – “love / calm/ fun / sensible and patience” on paper and put them in my room so I see them when I wake up. And take a photo of them to put them on my phone as a screen saver!!
I know it seems ‘sad’ to do this, but heck I don’t care!!! If it moves me from a space of not so much love to love, I’m going to do it!!
Plus my movement session this morning, once I’ve done the voice over I have it available for myself whenever! And of course, I can simply sit with my hands on my heart and take a few breaths and say the word love..
Sounds easy, but it’s not always – the effort though is worth it to move into a space of calm, and that is where I am of more use to those around me and the world.
I am going to fu*k up of course – part of the process and then I’ll carry on again, like a baby trying to stand and walk, I’m going to bruise my butt and get on up and try again!!
Maybe this resonates with you, maybe not and both are okay!
Thanks for reading, please enjoy the movement session – feel free to share, and love lots….