I take my hat off to the online bloggers who put content out there day in day out, finding inspiration for their words, and creating something of interest for their readers.
I decided to take a break - 2 reasons, firstly I was on holiday, yes I could have still blogged but I wanted time out too to feel where I was (which was India and a blog to follow!!)… The other reason was I felt my content and what I was wanting to write about was erring towards negativity and anger and that’s not what I wanted my blogs to be, nor do I want to be like that! I wrote some and then, well they are sitting in a file to be reread and rewritten!
Why was I feeling that way? - a break was needed that was for sure, as much as I enjoy my work and life overall - I love adventure and exploring and seeing new things and it was time to!!
And I did - YAY!!
Being away gave me space to self reflect on the year so far. What I’d done, to take on some feedback I’d be given, think about my daily life, how I was living and treating myself and others.
I realised I had got quicker and quicker through the year and by the time I boarded the plane out of Singapore I was running on fumes. Too much alcohol, too little sleep, some bad food choices and I am a different person - my fuse is shorter, my patience tested quickly and I’m not as calm as I like to be.
What I find though is when I’m in that space it is hard to realise it and it took a good friend to go “Hey what’s up with you - you’re acting like a white witch trying to save the world” or words to that effect…. I hadn’t noticed I was getting more and more judgemental - why didn’t people care, why do they behave xyz blah blah blah. Big sigh…
As much as we can be aware of ourselves, at times we all lose it and even the best coaches have coaches - we all need those outside eyes to say “erm what’s going on??”…. It’s being receptive to it and taking a moment to go - ah yes I fell off my happy wagon!!!
And reflect I did - I went through the ‘I’m a bad person” phase to the “no I’m not” to the “aha that’s what happened - I got too fast for myself and too critical of others”….
So here I am post a fabulous holiday with the intention of slowing down again, putting a few rituals in place, taking care of me a bit better again, not taking on more than I can do and still be still - and be aware of how I am being.
I’ll be honest and say, I like loosing my way at times - it helps me keep on track, it shows me where I’d rather be and that’s powerful. I might piss a few people off when I’m not on track - but that is also part of life and being a human being (if I did I do apologise - not intentional!!!)…..
Let’s see what the second quarter of 2018 brings - I am very much looking forward to it!!