Oh Happy New Year!!

Many of you reading will know the project I have been doing since let’s say March this year - working with Pulau Medang from afar, raising money to buy a pyrolysis machine with the intention it will motivate and inspire not only Medang but other remote places in Indonesia to clean up, collect plastic, the machine providing them with a means to turn the plastic into fuel.

It has been a journey with many many ups and downs, and many learnings for me personally.  I apologise for no updates over the last few months, as you read you will hopefully understand why and the journey I have travelled and the decisions I have made.

The latest from Medang is :

Filters - The rains have started and they are collecting the water in the filters and the water tank that was bought for them.  Rain water tastes amazing there I am told!.

Bins - these were promised to be on the island in September 2019, they will possibly be there next week.

Pyrolysis - the story is detailed below. The summary is that we were lied to from the outset by the guy who made the machine and had to pay more to fix it and it still needs further alteration to make it efficient to run.  It will happen.

Schools - a generous person has donated so that they can buy new equipment for the school.  They have been able to purchase laptops,  a printers, portable Wifi, CPU dell for server,  flash drive
and microphone.  This is huge as the exams all take place on line and when the wifi is down of course they can’t, if a lap top breaks it means it takes longer for them to complete the process. If they do not take the exams on line, they don’t get their qualifications.

Plastic seminar - Medang organised in December a 3 day up-cycle and plastic education seminar where 25 youth came and made bags out of coffee sachets and the village head will buy them and sell on.

Kepala Desa -  the vote is taking place in March this year and we are hoping that Fadyli’s father is voted in again as he is 100% behind the project

Fadyli Environmental course - learnt about composting and environmental issues to help the island.

As you can see, things have changed through 2019 and we did achieve many things - some took a long time and that was a huge learning.  Western speed and Indonesian speed and very different!

Regarding the machine, it is in Medang and has been there since September 2019 when it was tested and it worked for a while, at least while Agus was there and then it was put on hold waiting for me to go there in December.  My plans changed, so they started to run it again and well… read on

Issue 1 - the stove is just firing hot enough and sustaining the temperature where it needs to be.  Takes 4 hours to turn the plastic into crude oil and using too much LPG which has to be bought.  The crude oil needs further heating to become petrol, diesel and kerosene requiring more LPG and time.  It was showing to be a very inefficient process

Issue 2 - the stove not maintaining the temperature required to complete the next process

Issue 3 - a valve is not opening to let gas/liquid to go from one process to the next.

Machine stopped…

There are times when I wondered why I started and why I continue…. this was one of them and you’ll read later what decisions I have made.

Other things on the island continue to move on as we wait for the valve to be fixed and a better stove to reduce use of LPG to diesel or kerosene that the machine will produce.  The machine is unlikely to make money as we had originally hoped, but that is not the ultimate goal.  We just need it to work, run off itself and make fuel….

Read on ..
You are up to date so I will tell you the rest of the story - it’s way more exciting, full of intrigue and twists and turns and villains and heroes who maybe aren’t such heroes after all….

Recap - the machine went to Medang in July with the guy who made it for us - let’s call him AH (asshole).  We tried it and well it was a disaster basically… He had to take it back to his workshop to fix it.  At that time I had my doubts about him, putting polystyrene in the machine (a big no no which I knew) and which quite simply smelt and melted and hardened. Then he wanted to try again, using more plastic and more gas. It was at that point I said no way and we got the boat to ship it and him on their way to be fixed.  The journey from Medang to Semarang is quite a long one I have to tell you, for which AH asked for more money. What were we (I) supposed to do, we needed the machine fixed.

It remained with him…..

Like a child asking “are we there yet?” I keep asking
Is it done yet?
“No I need a xyz and then a vwy and a blah blah blah” … WTF really…. Oh then his wife gave birth, he goes away to work to make the money he needs to fix our machine…
You can probably imagine what I am thinking about now.  I’m far away, no idea what is truly happening, being asked for more money - to which the answer was a resounding no.  This was one part of my learning - and a big one at that.

A few months passed by and 2 lovely ladies want to make a video of pyrolysis so they head to see AH.  This is another story to be told, but due to their presence we found out many things.

In the shortest way I can tell you :
They go to AH, language is an issue so Medang’s main man Amir is flown to meet them there and figure out what is going on.

Well it seems AH had no f*&king clue how to make the machine.

Background :  AH and GP (good but crazy professor) used to work together.  For whatever reason they stopped (not sure to be honest).  AH thought he knew what to do, GP was the brains…

AH did not know what to do… Amir shows up in Semarang, GP somehow comes along to the workshop - which only shows the process and example machines, not but our actual machine….

Where’s our machine?
In his other place…

WTF

So they go there and GP goes too and that’s when we find out the truth.
We manage to get the machine away from AH to GP who says he can make it work… more money.
He fixes it and they all head to Medang together.  Here I’d like to add that the GP asked if his wife could also go with them - oh at Medang’s (ie my cost…)
You can imagine my reply I’m sure…
They arrive after many to and fros about how we would get the machine there, find the best price to drive it - and ferry and planes and timing… and I am doing this while I am on holiday with my parents.
The learnings around money continued… Honestly, this is my first “real” experience with Indonesians and seeing a little more “behind the scenes” so to speak.
Soooo the machine gets to Medang - huge hoorah.  We have to be quiet so AH doesn’t know what is happening, block FaceBook, tell him no we don’t owe him more money (yes he asked) and good bye..
Seriously he said we owed him money still…. I know!!! Can you believe it? I think he owes us money but well that will never happen.
On Medang - we video, we run the machine and a huge relief - works!!!
Which is then when the decision to wait for me was made (not by me but it gave us time to collect more plastic.)

The numbers….

Now in the interim, I started crunching numbers. How much plastic in, possible need to buy it, cost of LPG - initially told the machine produced a bi-product which fuelled the stove (nope) - how much fuel produced each process, how many processes we could run and what could be made…

LOL - I had to laugh but then I got a bit annoyed too, it passed.

The numbers, not good.

They showed that if we could run it everyday at least, at only 2 canisters of LPG and buying all the plastic - and we sold ALL the fuel at Medang current prices and the machine worked optimally…. we would a grand total of 2,475000IDR - from which we needed to pay the operators and save some for repairs…

Now, I am not a financial whizz kid, I’m not a kid…. but even I realised that there as something askew here.

So I asked the GP who by this time is saying he will make more machines to a number of people on a group chat, I asked if anyone else had done the maths and figured out if it would be profitable.

GP said there were requirements…. intriguing.
What were they I asked.
We spoke separate to the group chat.

It seems that to make money from the machine you need a 50Kg and a 20Kg (we have 20Kg which we thought was 30Kg….) and then you can run it continuously.
So “Ibu Lisa, you need to buy a 50Kg machine too”….

LOL

Again can you imagine what I am now thinking.

Oh or he has another super efficient machine, can maybe get 9ltrs from 4Kg of plastic, being tested… He will supply this and we only play if it works - but then what use is our 20Kg machine?!?..

I’ll be so honest, all I can think about is the people who generously donated, how we (I??) have let them down, the additional money I have spent on various things, and whether or not I can trust in Indonesians.  This passed and I set some wheels in motion and have wisened up a little.

What’s done is done and it is what it is. The machine will get fixed so please those reading who donated it was worth it and it will make a difference - it’s just taking longer than I’d hoped…. We are working on Indonesian timescales (rubber time!!!) and although it seemed a disaster to me at times there is so much good that has come out of the project so far.

My learnings have been many.  My time in Medang in July was amazing and I was planning to return.  After my time away in September and the issues with the machine and my feelings towards AH, I was ready to walk away from it all.  But that is not me and not what I had promised to do.  I calmed down, and this is when I realised the following:

I am not, can not and was not trying to ‘save’ Medang - the machine was actually what they had asked for, not my idea - I had never heard of pyrolysis!!  The goal became to show pyrolysis was an option for small remote islands and that it can provide them a reason to clean up - ie they get fuel and for cheaper than they were otherwise.  And if Medang could do it, then so could other islands.  I still believe this but I got too caught up in other changes and timescales and not going with the flow. This :  “White people come in to try to save developing countries”, which has gone on for a long time and I was doing it - not my intention and not helpful.  Hence I backed off, I closed my bank to them and said Medang needed to figure things out more for themselves.

Also my trip was to Europe and the last few times I have been there, I leave and feel so sad.  As much as where I live now is beautiful and I love Medang - it is not my heart’s place.  It took a lot of deliberation for me to decide to leave Indonesia this year and not return to Medang and I felt guilty for a while too, feeling I let them down.  I know I didn’t and without me on at them, they continue to move forward and make changes which is so great to see. Is it slow - lol yes, but it is their pace not mine.

Can I and do I trust now Indonesians…. mmmm yes and no. No when money is involved and this is what I find both sad and cultural as well.  It is not right for me to just give money so they can buy what they need - it needs to come from them too, otherwise it is like a parent doing their child’s homework.

Is it pyrolysis and change still possible ??  100% yes
Are there lessons we’ve learnt along the way….  YES
Would I do things differently - Yes
Have I thought about walking away and going f*&K it - YES
Will I ?? - NO

What I have been doing is being more chilled - let them work things out and not be the white person who says what to do - not that I was all the time but I have pushed and maybe too hard.

Have I learnt some seriously deep lessons about myself, cultural differences, victim mentality, somewhat manipulative poor me mindsets … YEP
Is my personal bank shut ? Oh my yes…
Am I still raising funds - yes, as they do still need things but I will manage it differently and Medang also need to do more for it too which we are about to work on again.
Have I been upset, ecstatic, disappointed, confused, angry and excited - yes and I continue to be.
I still believe pyrolysis is a way forward - I wish I had known a bit more before I started this and of course I wish we had not been ripped off by AH…. and now have this feeling that even the GP is a little bit manipulative.

But that is life and a learning.

Do I think Westerners need to stop going in to other countries and try to change them - actually yes I do.  I honestly think we need to stay out the way, focus on what we can do in our own countries, let them sort their own shit out, let governments do what they are meant to do and if along the way there are casualties, then that is sadly part of the process. If that sounds heartless, I am simply speaking my mind.

I do not wish Medang to ‘change’ and not be who they are or live the lives they want.  But maybe they do want to change and live the way Westerners do - they want all the trappings of the Western world, which don’t always bring happiness.

I have found it interesting that many people I know want to eventually live a more simple life with less stuff, yet those who live close to that already, want more and more money and I’m not sure for what gain.

I will continue to work with Medang, do what I can to help them with the machine and give ideas and so on - but I do it now with more open eyes….

Thanks for reading if you made it to the end!!!  If you have any experience, thoughts, comments then please share and if you want to donate after all I’ve said, it does all go towards Medang

They continue to move forward themselves and I hope have also learned and gained confidence in what they can achieve.

It has been an huge eye opener and one that I would not trade in.  I know there will be good that comes from all this and it is now time for me to be patient… not my strongest attribute - thank you Universe for continuing to assist me in this learning!!.

You can see and read about Medang on our website : www.medang4change.com and they are changing - it simply takes time.

Thanks to those reading who donated already - we would not have managed without you and thank you - we are moving forward.  We will continue to work to change and keep the world updated and believe pyrolysis works and that change is possible.

PS If anyone can supply solar panels for the school be great!!!!

Life is funny right….

Right?

or not?..

Well sometimes yes sometimes no and that’s the fun of it - I think…

I haven’t written for ages, did you miss me!?  The often random often coherent ramblings that I put onto ‘paper’ and post on social media for not only you to read but also for the techno-world to know me better so they can attempt to influence me through their adverts…  ( I read Sapiens and watched Cambridge Analytica - eye opening).

Yet I am still compelled at the moment to say my thing, IG (instagram) almost every day, share my views and tell my truths - well for the time being anyway.

My life has been the most fascinating time for me the last few years - maybe the last 4, or possibly nearly 8 after I left Hong Kong. I feel I have come into myself more the last 2, not quite come of age but just figured some shit out and that continues and I doubt will stop until my last breath is taken.

You know those times when you really feel lost and wonder who you are? (maybe you didn’t, I did a few times) and it takes a wee while to figure yourself out again.  Often happens after someone dies, a relationship break up, having a child (or 5), a move to another country, change of job and some religious person (insert the one of your choice) knows what else!!  Life gets a little topsy-turvy.

At times this up and down, inside out, back to front and topsy-turviness has been a bit frustrating, made more frustrating by those who tell me to not let it frustrate me. To which I normally tell them politely to fuck off and stop frustrating me even more.

See there’s nothing wrong with being in a state of confusion, being uncertain, or being frustrated.  if there was then there’d also be something wrong with being in a state of bliss, calm and contentment…

See my point?

What is my point?

Oh life - it’s not a straight line, it might be a bit straight - but oh my (religious figure inserted here) if it was how bored would we all be. It' topsy turvy,

See it’s these uncertainties and changes and random events and frustrations and blisses that keep it fun!

Again, what’s my point??

Life is to experience - life.. 

Experience all of it whatever that is.

It’s not necessarily about travelling or having kids or being successful or rich or all those other things we do or try to do because we think we are meant to.

It’s to experience whatever is happening RIGHT NOW wherever you are, and whatever you are doing with whoever it might be with. And you know it’s ok to feel and be happy or lonely or sad or ecstatic or topsy-turvy or whatever - that’s what we as humans do….(whole other conversation can be had about humans and emotions and consciousness but not right now!!)….

So go forth my friends and experience YOUR life and it will change in time to come, you can make it change, a change might be forced on you but it is a guarantee that things change…. so embrace, feel, live, love, laugh and do it all on your terms…. in the most turvy-topsy way..

​

Oh and can I ask that you be nice to the planet along the way and not use or buy so much shit that you don’t really need….. That’ll be great..thanks!!

Hi there....

A quick update on the Medang4change project...  We are still moving forward, working to our goal of a clean island and bit by bit we get there.  It is not always easy that is for certain and there are hiccups along the way - part of the process and the learning.

Thanks for the support you've shown and we'll let you know when the machine returns to Medang!

In the mean time here's the water tanks and filters we bought:
Thanks again

https://www.simplygiving.com/appeal/medang4change
​

This man, Sir David Attenborough is a legend.  In his quiet yet loud way he speaks a truth we would all be wise to sit up and listen to....

His words  :  we all think our actions are trivial, 100,000s of trivial actions are not trivial.

Each small thing we do has an impact - let's make it a positive one.


For me my plastic journey started with plogging about 4 years ago, back then I just picked up trash because I didn’t want it on the streets. A friend mentioned it to me and then off I went running with the idea, then walking and scooting and picking it up wherever I could. 

Then somehow or other a few years later, there I was standing, stomping and squatting in a brick square full of plastic - bags, coffee sachets, straws, bottles, crisp packets, noodle wrappers - it was like leaves in England in autumn as I kicked the plastic around to find PE plastic underneath. Medang4change, looking for the right fuel for our pyrolysis machine.
It was bizarre, the irony that some kids do play in plastic playgrounds.

I left Medang mid July and on my return journey I started researching plastic more, learning about it and what we can do and trying to figure out how to create that desire to change...  In the coffee shop every table had at least 1 plastic item on it.  As I sat and waited in Jakarta for my last flight I look about and all I can see is plastic. 

EVERY TABLE HAD A PIECE OF PLASTIC ON IT....

How much plastic do coffee shops produce? Why not use china mugs? Too much washing up?... straws galore.

Big sigh.

At the airport, takeaway food in polystyrene containers. Now all I think about is the chemicals leeching out into the food, into the 'eater's' body, affecting their health and then where that container will end up...... incinerator, land fill or the ocean.?

The single serve water cups....with their little straw to go pop... in offices, on the ferry, in schools....  

WHY?

Things seriously need to change if future generations stand a chance of a healthy life on a healthy planet and if the planet stands a chance of thriving again. Humans may not survive much longer if we continue this way and part of me doesn't think we deserve to given how we treat each other and our planet.

As much shit as we’ve done, and the amount of awful things that happen in the world every day, humans are also AMAZING. We have the ability to create, innovate, build and do so much good.

WE HAVE THE ABILITY TO DO SO MUCH GOOD.

Can we ??? Use our goodness for the good of all things living...

We all have the power, use it wisely to create change for the good of all.

Thanks


PS just in case someone wanted to bring this up.....
I appreciate that I take flights, I do my best to reduce the amount I take by taking a train or ferry instead of another flight.  As I said I am not squeaky clean but I am doing the best I can with where I am, not everything is so easy to do something about.
​

A friend and I were chatting and he mentioned this woman; Lisa Nichols…. she had to be cool right, we’ve got the same name !!!  I may have seen her before on one of my TED watching sprees, I sat and watched the first video in the google line, whether I had seen it or not….

I promptly posted it on facebook - so it MUST be good right!! lol.. (the video you see here.)

It is good and many thoughts came to mind, more than I can really write as they are all jumbled up in my brain.

I started to watch another- meh not so keen, then another before I started to write this. What it takes to be successful…

First of all defining success is important, how do you know you are if you don’t know what it is to you?!! wWhat is success to each of us?  Is it money, health, family, big house, luxury holidays, or more about who you are and what you do - or a mix of it all.?? For me (whilst I polish my halo) it is to give back to this earth and harm her as little as possible and encourage others to do the same…

I’d rather dictate it, I’ll be totally honest - just stop!! STOP plastic for example….. That’s the big and first one.  The rest I’ll leave to a conversation over wine with you!!

Anyway, Lisa then she says -  you’ll maybe lose friends, some people might not get your project, you’ll have less sleep than you want,  spend more money than you anticipated….

Based on that I’m a success already!!! Wooohoooo

Medang -     

    Time - I have spent more time on it, preparing a grant application (please please please) googling business, chatting to anyone I could, learning and researching and it goes on….
    Money - well yeah, almost raised the money for the machine and transport - but then the building materials for 2 houses, fire extinguishers, food, tee shirts, and now water filters!!!  Oh and 10,000sqm of land there!!!  lol
    Friends - I don’t know if I’ve lost any, my incessant asking for donations - like a bull terrier I’ve not let go yet - if I’ve pissed you off, I’m not sorry!!  This means heaps to the island and on a global scale too. I’ve been disappointed by those who say YEAH I’d love to but don’t, some friends who I thought would donate didn’t (I know their choice) and then so surprised by some who did and did so generously…

It has been an interesting journey to this part of success and we have a long way to go still!!

Over the years I never celebrated small successes - now??  HELL YEAH.  Medang is a success so far and we will continue to shine our light out to afar and show what is possible….

I hope you enjoy Lisa’s inspiring words and then encourage you to go and be all you can…..

And if you want to donate!!!​  - THANK YOU....

https://www.simplygiving.com/appeal/medang4change


Not letting you off the hook of your brilliance
​
Be unapologetic....

I didn't know what to blog about the last few weeks.

Thoughts have come and gone.

Time has come and gone.

And a friend has gone.

I read an email 15 minutes ago from the partner of a lovely lovely lady I met when I worked in Hong Kong - that was over 14 years ago.  She came seeking a Pilates trainer and there I was.

There are some people in this world who light up your world and she was one of them.

She was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma 5 years ago. 

I received the email with the subject 'Laura' and a happiness came over me that I was hearing from her after a while,  sadly it wasn't - it was to say she had passed away.

It so often is the death of someone that reminds us to live and all those cliches come to mind and then we forget again after a while.  How to keep that alive in us?  That we do only get one shot on this planet?  and that life can be short.... We cannot live without dying.

In memory of Laura

Thank you for being in this world and for being a part of mine, for being the love filled and joyful lady that you were and in your death for reminding me to go 'fuck' it and go for things...

May her life and her death also inspire you.

​

You know those days when things just don’t go right….  You’re in an odd mood but can't figure out why, you feel like you’re riding a bike on a wheel that’s not quite true - all wibbly wobbly, a few spokes missing maybe??

I get those days, not as often as I have in the past, but I still get them and I’ve learnt to ride in a wonky line for a while!  Along the way I think I often say the wrong thing, ring my bell at the wrong person, take a few wrong turns but I don’t think I’ve knocked anyone over…. and I’m not planning to.

So what happens - why does my wheel go off whack? Why does the gremlin voice I can keep at bay sometimes seem to be able to infiltrate my mind and speak in volumes way louder than normal!!

What’s that all about!!….

The biggest thing that happens to me when I’m all wonky is the way I judge others and have way high expectations - which really is a reflection of what I am doing to myself… Judging myself and often quite harshly!  As a wellbeing coach and pilates trainer, I often feel that I am expected to be holier than thou, which let’s face it is not realistic and to my thinking,  living that way leads to a slightly dull life - but that is me.

My definition of a balanced life is possibly not the same as yours and hey that’s FAB!!  We can all have our own definition of what being well means to us and for me it’s going off centre, being wobbly, going to the extreme, knowing I’m there and then heading back on the straight and narrow.
Often the last few years, I’ve realised I like being off centre - not so much I go to the “judgey place” I don’t like it there, but skewing my see saw to one end sometimes - it can be devilishly fun!!

For work I've looked into “wellbeing’ - rather than wellness : quote -   “Wellbeing embraces more than just physical health. It takes into account the entire person, both body and mind, and not merely by the “absence of illness.” Its approach to “health” includes the presence of positive mental states, emotions, and moods. The absence of illness/disease is not wellbeing, you may have good physical health but to be well we also need to consider other factors.

There’s differing definitions on the amount of other factors, some say 6, some 7, some 8 - I settled on 6 dimensions of well being:  physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, environmental and social.  Quote : These dimensions mean give us other others to consider in our lives and not just the physical aspect for example to be present in as many moments as possible, have close relationships and be in good overall health of body, mind and spirit. All these areas lead us to living our lives to the fullest.

Easy right!…

I wish it was that easy, life has a habit of “throwing" so many things at us we can easily let one or two areas slide ….
I’ve kinda figured out when one or two (maybe 3) of my 6 spokes have gone a bit awry… What happens - well it’s not quite as obvious as the Hulk, I don’t turn green - but I do get short tempered, grumpy, judgemental and a little bit paranoid - the feelings of not being good enough creep up.  You know that voice yeah?…

What do I do?

Have a glass of wine…. Yes I am serious, that is often what I do, sometimes even a sneaky cigarette .. When I want more cigarettes I know I am way off whack….

After I’ve chilled, I stop and consider what has been happening, what was I not paying attention to and hopefully I can rebalance myself.  My wheel is wonky and I am weaving about - the more wonky the more weaving (and more wine…)

My remedy is usually to get a good nights sleep, if I lose too much sleep for a few nights in a row I’m not good!  If I don't train in some way or other, eat too much (in particular high carb foods) - same…. If I don’t take time for myself, go into nature and be away from people or draw - I’m sooooooo not good! And if I do all these things at the same time - I’d recommend staying away from me - I might turn green!

Over time I’ve figured myself out more and more and whilst feeling when I am off balance is a big part of keeping my sanity the BIGGER part is in knowing it is okay to be off balance, notice it and go “oh I’m wonky”.….

We are so good at berating ourselves, thinking we must be perfect, posting all the good shit on Facebook when really inside we are feeling shit but don't feel we can say it out loud to anyone let alone to ourselves.

I think it takes balls to put our hands up and go “I’m having a hard time - I’m outta whack and I need some help, time, conversation, love and hugs so I can re-balance”…. I’ve learnt that calling / messaging a friend and just saying what is going on and how I’m feeling lightens my load and stops me hitting the curb….

Then I carry on a while in my now less wavy way and maybe I end up going straight for a wee while before the next time.
A life of being well and wellbeing doesn’t mean our wheel is always true, it means that we can notice when it’s not, have an occasional trip down the whacky path and enjoy the topsy turvy ride of life.!!…
​

Many a photo all telling a story of their own,  please enjoy...

26 days day away from Bawah. 

When I realised I had that much time off it seemed a bit unreal, I was happy of course so I began the process of planning who and what to see and where.

I’m not intending to make this blog a travelog, I sit and write back now on Bawah, having been warmly greeted by staff and generally looking forward to getting back into what I call my “normal life”. Life living on an island isn’t really normal that’s for sure and before I went I was very ready to go and see friends and family and immerse myself in European culture and cities.

From Singapore to UK to Poland (Auschwitz) to Vienna to Zurich (some work) to Prague - all different and yet similar.  The ease of conversation with friends not seen for a while, the hugs with parents, trying new food, being in typical drizzly weather, meeting new people, sitting in crowded bars and cafes people watching and drinking local beer. For 2 1/2 weeks everything was quite new, I learnt some history, felt the dark side of human nature, and realised how much being in  similar cultures to my own was like putting on a good old pair of comfy shoes.

I loved it.

Then I find myself back on Bawah in a culture that is quite different, but one that has captured my heart. The small community we have on Bawah is beautiful, there are of course clashes in personality, gossip, tension sometimes, disagreements but at the end of the day we all come together for the Reserve and the guests.

As I arrived, chef is ready to leave, his year on Bawah completed and him and his family are ready to move on back to his home for a while, It’s both sad and happy. In the time I have been here a few people have come and gone and for those who have been here for sometime and I have got to know them more, a piece of my heart goes with them.  

And I get the need to leave, I’m not ready to just yet but before this break I felt lonely, I missed being able to speak to loved ones easily - the time difference and wifi make it a challenge.  I missed being able to sit in an environment that wasn’t my work place and talk about stuff other than work to people who have some shared culture.

But then as I sat on the plane and we did the island fly by, tears come gently to my eyes and the magic of these islands reminds me that it’s okay to miss things, it shows me how much I care for them, what I do is simply a matter of how much I miss them...

I unpack, do lots of "hellos" and go to sit in my familiar place in the library.   Lunch.

That feeling of "was I ever really away" lingers but this time it's not as strong as I’ve felt before, I know I’ve been away,
I feel it in my heart and being and I feel a little tender/raw coming back.  That’s not to say I don't want to be here but there’s an ache for the time I had away.  It will pass I know, I hope - if it doesn't I have some questioning to do....

As the plane left with those departing, I was asked “Lisa, where is home?”…​

Wherever I am and wherever I am heading to, that’s home - home is my heart, my heart is my home.

​

The video says all I want to... 

Thank you

www.simplygiving.com/appeal/medang4change