If you didn't know I went to Bali at Christmas - my first week was spent on a nudist resort. Not a huge resort that you might conjure up in your mind, but a smallish place with little bungalows and some small villas, 2 pools, a restaurant, and a bar that pretty much served beer or beer.... It was compulsory to be naked at the pool areas, everywhere else you could be covered up if you wanted to, the beach was behind the resort - once you were outside the walls, clothes applied!!
Why did I want to do this? Well it started with a card reading by a visiting Shaman who basically turned to me and said (this was back in June last year I think) - "will you please go away for 2-3 weeks, get naked, run around and let the wild woman inside of you out....." - erm ok...!!!
He was right, I had pushed aside my womanliness and femininity for some time and she was screaming to come out and be alive. I started googling and wondering where to go that wasn't too far away and decided on Bali as I could also do a Swedish massage course too (more semi nakedness) - then a week simply exploring the island.
Off I went to have my Christmas dinner as naked as the day I was born ( but the way it was Thai chicken curry...).
I arrived at the resort and was greeted by the main guy who did most things there really! He showed me to my super cute bungalow and the minute we walked into it, he dropped his sarong and erm was naked! Okay here I go I thought, he was so at ease with it that it made it easier for me to do the same please note easier not easy...
I put my case down, picked up my sarong, took my clothes off and put the sarong around my waist, boobs out; here I go. As we left my bungalow I met my neighbour, standing nude with a towel over one arm. "Erm Hi.... nice to meet you "!! What else would you say!? I was shown around and then sat at the cafe and had lunch with my neighbour, my boobs still on show. It was weird to be honest - he was naked but of course for a guy their bits are under the table! As a woman we are on show - I didn't feel uncomfortable nor did I feel comfy it was somewhere in the middle, more of a 'let's get used to this' feeling...
Lunch over, to the pool - on the lounger, sarong off, sunscreen on - my only covering. Much easier to lie down than walk about or sit at lunch. Heaven, sun, chill, all over tan here I come!.
Then came the moment when I needed the toilet - my instinct was to reach for my sarong, but wait I couldn't; naked around the pool. Okay, deep breath, stand up, suck in a bit and walk to the toilet.... Okay not so bad.
Next came a beer - to the 'bar' where the guys behind are dressed. This got me as odd throughout my whole stay that a lot of the guys who worked there were clothed. It didn't give me the creeps but I'd have preferred them to be naked too! Another day a wifi guy came to check - same clothed. I don't think they are going to the resort to perv of course, but there was something that didn't sit totally right with me.
Anyway, beer brought, back to my lounger and chill. I was a little bit more aware how I moved about and sat - not showing too much off!
There were 7 other guests at the time maybe mainly men just 2 other women, one on her own who left a few days later and a woman with her boyfriend (they left pretty soon to explore the night life of Kuta). Of course one looks, and questions ones own shape and form and how different we all are. The woman in the couple I couldn't figure out - she had a voluptuous overall shape yet her stomach was flat and I couldn't see a scar. It turned out she had lost weight and had a tummy tuck and boob job - and a damn good one I have to say even up close her scars were so neat. My confusion was at least validated.
So you may be wondering what I thought and looked at with the men - well yes of course the eyes dropped to start with but then it's no big deal - just penises hanging about! All sizes; all flaccid; all normal really! Guess I've seen more naked men up close than I have women so I was more intrigued by women's shape than the mens, not to compare myself to them but to be at ease with my own...!
Time to get ready for dinner - shower, hair wash, and now what to wear!? No need to get dressed up, quite strange really and way nicer in many ways. I decided to tie the sarong around my boobs - it just seemed wrong at dinner!!! I went with my neighbour and we chatted and got chatting to another guy too and then sat at the bar - more beer and that's pretty much how the week continued.
I trained, swam which was total bliss naked, got a great tan - built a lovely friendship with the two guys - more people came and went and on Christmas Day had a very very silly night which ended at 3am after dancing around the bar area (saronged....).
I loved it, I really did and got more and more used to walking about naked and seeing people for the person not the body. A very large couple came and they were large. She kept going to the beach to snorkel and had clothes on - and I will be honest and say I was intrigued what someone so large would look like naked in person (as opposed to seeing on TV). On her last day she was and what can I say, same shape as every other woman - just more of her, and so what. I don't advocate being so large; it is unhealthy, but then being too thin isn't healthy either.
I believe the main thing is being at ease with whatever size you are and doing something about it if you're not happy.
At the end of my stay I had become very close to my neighbour and keep in touch with both the guys I'd made friends with (the other left sooner). When I left I was close to tears (well ok I did shed a few), having spent 7 days with someone, chatting and being very open about life and loves it was a pull to my heart to be leaving.
I went to the South East of Bali, fully clothed and wishing I was still naked! The place I stayed in I was luckily on my own so I could at least wander about and swim naked still, but there was such a peace in the resort!.
Did my 7 days naked accomplish what the shaman had said? Well no I wasn't a wild woman!, but what I did do was get in touch with my female form in all her glory. I realised that we are all only skin and bone with organs and other stuff thrown inside and it doesn't make us the person we are.
Do I want to look good in my body - yes, for me because I feel better, more confident but I am not defined by the size of my chest or butt or belly but by who I am and the values I live by.
Has it made me more confident in my nakedness? To be simply naked - definitely, to be naked in a sexual sense I am still working on and am closer than ever, the reason being....... a blog will follow!!!
At the end of the day, I learnt so much about myself, my insecurities, my confidence (or lack of) and others. As a society as a whole we are so concerned about 'exposing' ourselves both physically and as the person we are, for fear of - my main thought is judgement. Judged we're too fat, thin, hairy, un-proportioned, cellulitey, not hairy enough, whatever it may be - but the only person's opinion we really need to care about is our own. What we feel for and about ourselves, really no one else's matters. As a person, to show our deep emotions and vulnerability and fears, why would we do that!!!
I'm now asking myself why wouldn't I? We all have them yet we don't want others to know.
Don't get me wrong, I still judge myself more than is useful to - but each time I am naked in front of others or talk my issues out - the less I judge, the more accepting of me I am, the more fun I have and the closer connections I make. There will be some who don't agree with my life choices or the things I like to do and discuss and that's perfect, as long as we don't judge each other for it.
As long as I am at peace with myself and my choices - after all it's my life and my body....