If you’ve read a few of my blogs over the years you’ll know I’ve been on a journey of change - and it is ongoing! The journey into self is never ending and can be a very happy, joyful path and then along the way are some damn big boulders and at times there seems to be no way round them apart from backwards!!
I recently felt like I took a step back, life is about to shift and I’m heading in a new direction - exciting more than scary but still some element of fear to work through.
Some experiences/ comments recently took me back to “I am not good enough” ; “I am a bad person” ; "I can't do this"... - the voices in my head that had quietened for quite a while reared up for a few days and I went into a mini spiral.
Which was great...... It was only a mini spiral!
I knew I was going downwards, I could feel it. But I didn’t let it take over me (too much), which it has in the past and with some great chats with friends and a coaching session, I started to see the bright side again.
I like reflecting.
When I receive feedback I take it onboard, maybe too much in hindsight and for too long (reread blog let it go...) but it is a way for me to learn - learn how far I have come, the patterns that are my habits, where I am today and also how I want to shift my behaviour in the future…
I realised a few things:
When I reflect too much on me, and judge myself - I start to judge all others, and I get righteous… oops. We judge others as we feel better about ourselves, I was distracting myself from taking that look within.
That when I get busy (do do do) - I forget people have emotions and get short, come across as rude and am not always the nicest of person … sorry to those on the receiving end.
That when my life is out of kilter, it is often because I miss my dearest friends and family and I haven’t spoken to them for a while. They are my reset button, the people that get me and accept me however I am being - as I do them (unless I am in judgement mode......!!!!).
I was lucky recently that one of those friends was here and we could chat in person, and that another sat down the beach with me guiding me through some emotions that I was holding onto, that my parents are always there to babble away to and I realised how strong that voice had been getting. Being single is not always easy, and when I feel there’s no one there for me, I turn against myself and the world! Which is daft because I have amazing people who are there!!! doh...
Do you hear how my little voice works !!!…
The question is ; how am I going to move forward, what's my latest action plan.... and plan to keep it simple!?
Thanks to a session with a new coach (I take part in peer coaching through the ICF, coaching federation - even coaches need coaching!!!)
Nurture my little girl that is in need of my attention as me the big girl is in need of attention from friends.
Meditate in the morning and set my intention for the day - I've been through peace, calmness, reset…
Take notice when I speed up, and sloooooow down - yes I do lots of things and I love that I do - but sometimes it overwhelms me .....
Then
I need to stop - smile - breathe and be nice to myself
connect with the inner me, with friends and mother earth…
It’s not always easy, we are human after all and being human comes with having emotions of all sorts. Facing up to myself and who I am, how I’ve behaved and the effort it can take to change (if I chose to) is, well it can be hard!!! But it moves me and all of us in the direction of a more understanding, caring world - it just sucks some times but out of that suckiness comes the good times...
If you're going through some crappy times, I hope there are people you can reach out to, arms that can hug you, and ears willing to simply listen.
Feel free to be in touch...
x
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