When did I get the inspiration to write this blog?. Some weeks go by and not much comes to mind to write - other weeks I have heaps of thoughts, this week is one of the latter.
If you know me and read my blogs, you’ll know the journey of self discovery I’ve been on the last 2 years. I had quite a rude awakening with a ‘self development’ course I went on which lead me to see myself in a different light and question who I was and who I wanted to be. There was some hard hitting feedback which could have been easy to ignore - go f*** you and carry on as I was. The thing is, I didn’t want to carry on as I was -there was something that I wasn’t content with, too many darker moments and I knew I had to make some changes but didn’t know what.
It lead me on to do a coaches course - more investigation into self and insights into others and human nature and how hard it is for us to take a good look at ourselves and take on board what others see in us; which can of course be good! It’s not all negative….
I was ready to hear it however hard it was to take and it was hard. It was even harder to change, to stop myself from repeating the patterns that were not doing me any good - but over time it of course gets easier. It's the same as breaking any habit, it’s not easy and I would disagree with anyone who says it is!!.
I’m grateful for those along the way who were there and helped me with understanding myself and I find myself now with amazing people as friends who are also on the journey of self understanding. Do we attract each other? Quite possibly…
As I thought about this blog the movie Awakenings came to mind - such a beautiful movie with one of the greatest actors of all time, Robin Williams who is sadly no longer with us in physical form. I remember watching it and when they wake up from their zombie-like state they see the world with new eyes. They had no choice, they were given the drugs to create that awakening - what about the rest of us?
As always we have a choice - to live in fuller existence or shield ourselves away from things that make our stomachs churn, avoid what encourages us to face our demons and go head on to places that create emotions that we’d rather not feel.
I’m super glad I did face my crap - the question I now ponder is how can I encourage others to do the same?
There are so many self help books, development courses, coaches, counsellors, etc etc etc out there. Quotes to inspire us and stories of change but the bottom line is - unless you want to change or think you need to change you won’t. If the desire to change isn't strong enough well nothing is going to happen.
The change doesn’t need to be drastic, I’m hoping it doesn’t come across that way!.
What I’ve noticed over the last few years is when our shortcomings are politely pointed out to us, our defences are immediately raised, which I get - I did and to a degree still do. Now though if I receive feedback and even more so if it gets my shackles up, the likelihood is there is more truth in there than I wanted to admit to. That's the time when I look inside and wonder why it had that effect on me. Was it a one of occurrence? A bad day that things were on top of me and I reacted in my ‘old’ way. Is it a change I had been aiming to make, thought I was doing great but then seems I wasn’t after all? Did I even know I behaved the way I had?
Or was it the actual person who said it? If I don’t think much of them I’m certainly not going to think much of anything they say about me! You know that person who comes across as so righteous and know it all ? Who the hell are they to ‘criticise’ me in any shape or form!! Even more so if they are not so aware of themselves. But that attitude also says a lot about me…
It doesn’t matter who it comes from, the fact is it is simply feedback - that’s all; just feedback. However now with my newer awareness eyes about myself, I can sit and consider these questions - why did it effect me and is it something I need to do something about or a comment to let go of.
I used to response defensively and I often still do, the beauty is now I know - I can sense better what is going on in me and all the effort has been worth it. I also will keep working on myself, it’s never going to stop and I love it - getting to know me is cool!.
So my dear reader, no matter where you are on your journey please continue, encourage others to take the first step, listen with open ears without taking everything to heart, seek coaching, seek feedback from others - how did it feel to receive it? It is hard, it can hurt, it takes an effort to work through some of it - and the rewards are so worth it all…