Recently I’ve been using a deck of cards to help me with stuff that has been playing on my mind - they’re not tarot cards but a deck called “The Nature of Infinite Love and Gratitude”. I did the ILG (Infinite Love and Gratitude) Lifeline Ignite workshop a while ago and bought them then - and totally forgot I had! I followed the ILG 28 day practise, then fell out of it practise - I admit I did get a tad bogged down with thinking and then found the cards…….
What are they?
Well on one side is a picture of nature and on the other a quote. You state what you are feeling anxious - annoyed - whatever about and then focus on how you want to feel instead - shuffle the deck 5 times and pull out the card.
It’s been spooky.
Every time the card has been so accurate to what I feel.
I said once “I am acceptance” and yup I pulled out the acceptance card.
Yesterday I picked “Free Will” - the quote saying - “ I have free will, a choice with every experience. Today I chose to own my power”.
If you follow me on Facebook you’ll see I posted on May 5th that I was reclaiming my power; I felt like I almost lost it a bit today (May 7th) - giving my emotional well being away to a situation and person that I couldn’t change but I started to let it upset me - I had the choice to change the way I reacted to the situation and it’s a reason why I used the cards.
It is very easy for me to lose my power at the moment, to stop and allow others to influence my ‘being”, what I want to do with my time and doubting my belief in myself; losing my confidence, passion and drive for what I aim to achieve in this world (and yes I do want to achieve). Why? Not sure what the why is behind this right now. There’s something underlying me giving away ‘me and my time’ so readily; I have a few ideas and I am allowing myself to notice it, be curious about it and see what comes up - at least now I have realised what I am doing!!
Anyway- the card - free will.
What is free will - I just googled it and there is a whole philosophical explanation about it regarding moral responsibility, choice and do we really have it. I was not expecting that! The more I looked, the deeper it gets - and the more confused I get and well, I don’t want to be confused.
The simpler definition is: the power of acting without the constraint of necessity or fate; the ability to act at one's own discretion.
Power again - the power of acting in the way I chose to. I can see based on this how there is a moral responsibility around how we act. For me free will means acting in a way that is free of worry and concern about what others think of me, my choices and how I life my life - free of the feeling of being judged including by myself - and I am probably the main person doing the judging of me. In these blogs I don’t worry about it so much, I am happy to put my thoughts out there which is one of the reasons I love to write, but in reality I am not speaking up, saying what I want and doing what I want. It’s almost as if I don’t know what I want. It’s been a bit weird the last few weeks in my head!
Where am I going with this?
As I write it clears my thought process and I become clearer on what I do want, how I want to live out my days, what I like to do and how I feel at my best in this world. There’s some changes I need to make and I’m working on them. I had a chat with a friend (and awesome coach) who asked if I was worried about missing out - do I do what others suggest so much because I want to experience everything? And there is an element of that - rushing through experiences to get to the next one so I can do them all? As opposed to enjoying the process of whatever I am doing - linking back to being present and mindful with wherever I am - note to self read my own blogs…… I look at other people’s lives, relationships, jobs, hobbies, how they fill their time and I cannot deny I do at times “compare” to my own and question why I don’t do what they do - erm because I don’t want to (I must remember that) and if I’m not careful I can become discontent with my life!
Yet my life is amazing - where I live, what I do, the people in it and who I am! DOH.
Am I the only person that goes through this mental madness? I don’t believe so, but I do think many of us are fearful of voicing out that we often feel this way - hence these blogs and becoming more honest to myself and sharing what goes on in me - the more honest I am the easier it is to let go.
To help me continue to move forward I intend to continue to work with the cards as they have helped me the last week.
My other practise will be that when I feel myself spin out - to stop - breathe fully - centre - accept where I am - remind myself of my greatness - be grateful for the life I lead - who I am and chose with free will.
If you’re wondering what cards I’ve drawn since I started:
Monday 25th April - Fear - (and I was in a bad head space that day).
Wednesday 27th - Peace (this was drawn after a coaching conversation on tuesday 26th….)
Thursday 28th - Acceptance
Friday 29th- Acceptance again to which I humphed and redrew for Journey (fears associated with change said the quote, embrace change.)
Saturday 30th - Appreciation - the value of the road
Monday 2nd - Faith
Wednesday 3rd - Reflection
Thursday 4th - Centered
Friday 5th - Optimism - however long the journey takes….
Saturday 6th - Free Will.
It’s actually very interesting to go back and read them in order - life is indeed an amazing journey.