The lady across the road is married too, her husband has recently been put into a home as he is not well and she can’t look after him. I look over my right shoulder and I see her sat in her armchair with a glass of white wine, reading or watching TV – I look left and my dad is snoozing while mum does the ironing (my sheets that she insists on doing – personally I wouldn’t bother…).
My mind turns to the wonderful people I currently have in my life and those who are still wonderful people but we no longer speak much if at all. Many are married and have lives full of being husband/wife/parents. And then there’s me and the single people I know – our lives are full in varying ways…
Here’s where the difference struck me. When you have a partner, and even more so kids I can imagine that most other people in your life are an ‘afterthought’ and that is not meant negatively but it’s something that came to mind. Kids take priority especially younger ones and if you have a partner and no kids, they generally come first when you think of things to do/people/life… That’s when I wonder why? There is this pull to partner up, but why? So we have someone to do things with as we don't like/want to do them alone? Some things do need two, or it's more fun that's for sure....
How is life without that partner you knew for so long? The lady across the way whose life is no longer filled with/by her partner (I don’t know if she has kids) and she is retired so what now? If all your life was with your partner what happens when they are gone? Our parents are generally not a first thought to us kids (except when they get older and ill) our lives are just beginning and full of so much (more Western)..
But my initial thinking was, why do we want to partner up in the first place (taking kids out the equation)? Is it so we’re not an afterthought, so we know there is always someone “definitely” there for us? That we are priority to someone? And because we don’t like being alone, our friends become wine and TV..?! What is there to do when we don’t have people to be with – well write blogs of course!!..... and then send our words out to others in the hope that…. With what hope!
When I start questioning it is fascinating where my train of thought goes – in a very positive way as it assists me in how I live my life. If I put “me” first while still being in touch with friends, then I am never an afterthought because I am priority to someone – me….And at the same time I keep others in mind with much of what I do (eg this blog) which may have an impact on someone I don’t. My goal to this blog is that there will (hopefully) be people reading it and it resonates – if you’re one of them, remember you’re not an afterthought….. if you are a coupled up friend – maybe this has helped you see things from the eyes of your single friends, they might feel the same way as me. Or maybe as a coupled up person, you feel that your life is all about everyone but you… you are an afterthought to yourself.
There are times when I want to talk to a friend but I know they have their family and they’ll be doing things with them and I try to keep that in mind. So I figure things out, think what I want to do and get on with it which includes lying on the ground and staring at the trees and have inspiration for a blog.
The point of these writings? Well it helped me to put words to paper, brought me some peace that I’m okay in my life journey and have learnt the skills to be on my own (with wine, but without the TV…) that I have wonderful people in my life that I am very grateful for and it is important that I manage my expectations.
No life is smooth sailing, single or partnered, with kids or no kids, with parents alive or departed. What is important is how we manage the voice in our heads and tune in to what is really going on inside. That we do find some time to ourselves and stop the gogogo and do the things that bring us energy – for me like writing and drawing!...
Take a moment to consider what fills up your energy tank..
Thanks for reading